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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

"I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it!"

Take another little piece of my heart now, baby, (break a..)
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah.

My ex boyfriend, Kicker, called me tonight. After I got off the phone with him, Janice Joplin's "Piece of My Heart" started playing over and over in my head. That song just fits too well... The last time I saw him, we were both pretty trashed and we ended up fucking. He left right after we were finished...he just got up, put his clothes back on, said goodbye, and started to walk out my door. I bawled... We were together for 6 1/2 years, on and off-six and a half fucking years--and he has the balls to treat me like that. Now maybe you can see why I don't want to be with a man anytime soon. All of my experiences with men have been fuuuucked up. Kick knew my grand mere pretty well--after all, he did stay with her for two weeks when he came to visit me in France. The day she died, I texted him to tell him, and--naturally--I expected a response from him, but I got nothing. I should have known. I always second guess myself with him. I know him perfectly...I know how he works. Of course he wasn't going to text me back...he's too busy fucking his 31 year old girlfriend (he's 21, mind you). I guess because he was my first--and so far only--love, I'll always have feelings for him...regardless of how horribly he's treated me. If you know me well, then you know that our relationship was a wreck.

I need to find, I don't "need to," I want to. I want to find somebody fresh and new. I know you're out there, and I'm waiting for you!

Goodnight everyone. Hope your lives are somewhat calmer than mine is.

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